Creating Space for Powerful Emotions

As human beings, it is so easy to mimic the behavior of other people. It’s something we do especially when we don’t have a self-reference frame. If we don’t personally have an idea of what to do, we’ll follow someone else’s idea. I think it's key in an emotional situtation not to mimic the other person's behavior, but give space to allow for the emotion.

With emotional conflicts, it is critical to give yourself some space.

I remember hearing the story of a social worker who was working with a mother who recently lost her young child. The mother was distraught, when the social worker arrived. The social worker, there to talk to the mother about her situation didn’t even open her mouth. The distraught mother poured out her emotions, talking about how her son died, talking about the economic disaster she found herself in, talking about her absent husband. While the woman spoke, the social worker, just listened. Listened and gave non-verbal cues of engagement and empathy. At some point there was a nature place to pause, the social worker got up, and walked out. There was nothing that social worker could have said to the mother with the deceased son. Nothing of value she could add. By being an empathetic person who would listen, it created the space for understanding. It created the space for both people to communicate.

Powerful emotions can make situations more challenging, because the reasoning can’t take place until the emotional storm has passed. Any of us, barraged internally by emotions: anger, enthusiasm, fear, wonderment, are not going to be rationally minded to move ourselves forward.
Recently a friend of mine was upset with me over how I handled a situation. My friend, lets call him Adam, at first was indirect. Once I engaged him a little bit, it he became much more upset.

It almost seemed as if a small fire had turned into a brush fire. Almost unsciously, I calmed my own emotions. Though my face flared up, and my heartbeat raced at first, I was able to calm my mind, and focus on the situation. From there, I listened without directing the conversation. Choosing not to guide the conversation or ask too many questions let him get some comments off his chest.

The situation was already powerful, and by being a mirror to the other person. After giving space for a person to express their feelings, then the opportunity came for reconcillation.
Emotions are powerful, even if there is not an emergency. Give them space, give them understanding.